I have a deep love for peanut butter, especially when it’s spread generously on a hot piece of toast with a dollop of honey. However, trudging through thick, crunchy peanut butter is a different story altogether. Lately, that’s exactly how it feels in my studio.

A NEW CHAPTER AT FIFTY

Since turning 50 in April, I’ve experienced a growing restlessness, a desire to explore and push the boundaries of my paintings. I find myself yearning for a more contemporary style—whatever that may mean—and I want to appeal to a more discerning audience. It’s an exciting yet daunting prospect.

As I navigate this creative shift, it feels as though I’ve leapt off a cliff, only to land in a sticky, gooey pool of peanut butter. The discomfort is palpable. Each step I take seems met with resistance, as if the thick, crunchy layers of my artistic past are pulling me back, tempting me to remain stagnant in this peanut butter swamp.

THE STRUGGLE TO MOVE FORWARD

It’s frustrating. I often sigh at the feeling of being stuck, caught in a cycle of self-doubt and hesitation. A dear friend used to remind me, “Onwards and upwards.” I try to hold onto that mantra as I grapple with my creative challenges.

Perhaps I am making progress, but showing up with courage every day has left me feeling worn out. The struggle to break free from the confines of my comfort zone has been exhausting. I hope that in the end, this journey will lead me to a place of clarity, where I can feel less pulled in different directions.

FINDING BALANCE & ENJOYING THE PROCESS

Ironically, my love for peanut butter is a reminder of the very struggle I face. While I enjoy indulging in it, I’m also aware that too much can be overwhelming. Maybe it’s time to find a balance—just like the perfect amount of peanut butter on toast. Perhaps I should pop some bread in the toaster and remind myself that nourishing my creativity doesn’t have to be a sticky battle.

So, here’s to moving forward, embracing the messiness of the creative process, and hopefully, finding joy in the journey. After all, every artist has their own version of peanut butter to navigate!